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Things you’ll
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Six Tips for Successful Online Dating
Tell someone that
you’ve dabbled in online dating and they might give you a look like they’re
thinking about which letter of the alphabet would be most appropriate to give
you in scarlet. But really, with the dawn of dating websites, Tinder, and the
endless cycle of clones that come out almost daily, meeting someone from the
internet is as common as meeting a stranger at a bar — at least for
Generation Y.
So for those of us single folks who haven’t yet made the jump
into this new internet trend (or have just dipped our toes in), here are a few
ways you can give online dating a try while staying a gentleman.
1. Don’t Misrepresent Yourself
So maybe you were a football or track star in high school and
now you’re a few years removed and about twenty pounds heavier — leave
those varsity pictures where they belong (in a shoebox!), and upload
something more recent. While meeting people and dating shouldn’t be all about
vanity, you don’t want someone’s first thought upon meeting you to be, “Whoa,
he looks nothing like his pictures.”
Not only is it insanely distracting, but it’s starting the
potential relationship with dishonesty rather than trust. This also
goes for exaggerating, or outright lying, when it comes to your job, education,
or anything you find yourself tempted to say to get a meeting in person. I
guarantee if they find out you tricked them, they will assume everything you’ve
said was a lie.
And this isn’t to say that if you’re overweight, don’t bother.
Dating sites have huge audiences, so you’ll find every stripe and color of
person you could possibly imagine, and by misrepresenting yourself, you could
be missing out on the people who like you for who you actually are. But on that
note, not everyone on the other end will be honest with themselves, so…
2. Temper Your Own Expectations
While getting catfished, or
tricked into falling for people who lie about everything (right down to using
someone else’s pictures), seems to be the common assumption about meeting
someone from the internet, it’s really not that common. It does happen though.
This is why you should try to use the internet as a means of meeting people, and
use subsequent in-person dates to get
to know them. You aren’t meeting someone with the intent of going
ring shopping if things go well.
While dating sites have plenty of attractive and very
successful people, not everyone will look exactly like their pictures. While
I’m not saying you should be expecting a man in a wig to show up, you should
kind of automatically assume that their pictures were old or edited, or at the
least, something that shows their very best light. Not that that’s always the
case, but just keep in mind that you can never truly know someone you haven’t
talked to in the flesh.
3. Take the Lead in Conversation
4. Accept Rejection
Does this seem like common sense? Because I have never been more
embarrassed on a date than when I hear horror stories from the woman about
other men she’s met online. And really, most of it comes about as a result of
rejection. While the theory behind matching someone is that you are both
mutually interested in each other, that does not mean you are halfway to
dating. If a girl says “No” when you ask them on a date, take it in
stride, and then move on.
Sadly, this isn’t what many men do. You can find an endless
supply of screenshots online from women who were having a normal conversation
with a guy, and when she says she’s not interested, he suddenly drops about
every dirty word you can call a woman in the next message.
This tip also applies when someone flat out doesn’t respond. If
you try to start a conversation and get nothing in return, don’t leave twenty
more messages or take it personally. Maybe they don’t check it that often,
deleted the app from their phone, or just aren’t interested. That’s life. Just
be thankful it happened with a stranger from the internet rather than someone
you approached at the bar.
The problem is that talking to people digitally really
dehumanizes them. We lose track that it’s a person on the other end just like
us, and we say things we would never say in person, bad or not, and so we throw
out the common unwritten rules of socializing. This is also why it’s better to
meet people as soon as both of you are comfortable, so you can put a human to
the picture.
5. Stay on the Date, At Least for a Little While
When you finally do meet in person, it’s important to be as
polite as possible, even if they look nothing like the image you had in your
head. I’ve literally shown up on a date and only found out when I got there
that the person was weeks away from giving birth. I didn’t leave or sneak off
“to the bathroom,” but I stayed and had about an hour-long conversation, not
because I’m a saint, but because I could not imagine someone telling me to meet
them and then just never showing up. Most importantly, you can never be worse
off for simply knowing someone. Even if the date is terrible, you are meeting
someone who you probably would never have met, and your life is that much
richer.
6. Try to Figure Out What They’re Looking For
This isn’t as cut and dry as it seems. While there are plenty of
people who are indeed on Tinder and other platforms for the sake of
finding relationships, they are also widely used for hook-ups and
simply to further one’s own vanity. But generally, these people are easy to
differentiate. If someone just wants sex they will probably suggest you either
go to their place or they come to yours, so you can “Netflix and Chill,” which
is just code for sex. A lot of people actually have “No hook-ups” in their bio,
which gives you an idea that they’re looking for something a little more
serious.
There are also a lot of people who are on these apps and sites
just for attention. These people tend to match everyone just to feel better
about themselves and try to get you to follow them on every social network they
have a profile on. They will also never meet you, because they are simply on
there for the ego boost and not to actually meet people.
Frankly, the best way to figure this out is to ask. Not right
off the bat, but if you aren’t sure where things are going, you can ask in the
midst of a conversation. If they respond that they want to meet new people and
possibly find a relationship, that would be the perfect time to ask for a date.
Frankly, online
dating can be a bit weird and awkward, especially for folks who didn’t
grow up socializing on the internet. But if you’re single and looking to mix
things up a little bit, give it a shot. After all, the worst that can happen is
you have material with which to write articles about the do’s and dont’s of
online dating.
________________________
Jordan Zammit studies History at
Michigan State University and bad dates at the University of Tinder. He has
been using the Art of Manliness as his earthly “bible” since 2012 and is
eagerly awaiting the day hats are no longer a hipster thing. You can follow him
on Twitter @bae_z_.
This n That...
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